Shadows of memory

You never forget your first love, or the first time you were fired from a job (hopefully, the only time).

A friend of mine at work has recently been reunited with her first love. If there will be a happily ever after for them, remains to be seen. It has me thinking though about first loves. I confess; though I adore my husband, I still think about my first love now and then. I don’t want to be friends with him though. Nope, I just want to know how he is, are he and his wife happy, did they have kids; the sort of things you write in a Christmas letter. In fact a Christmas Letter would be plenty. My first love and I were best friends, but it was an unrequited love. So yes, painful memories. I think all first loves are unforgettable, I wonder if the memories are bittersweet for everyone as well.

Likewise, I can’t forget the first (and only time) I was fired from a job. I feel a some shame and pain in the remembrance of it even these many years later. The crazy thing is I hated that job. I was a clerk in a law firm, and multi-tasking was a big part of the job. I don’t multi-task well, so it was not a match made in heaven. I was 8 months pregnant when they fired me, and my insurance was through my job so I was frantic. Remarkably, before the baby was born, my husband got a new job, with fantastic insurance that paid for the delivery (even at that late date) for less than we would have paid with my old insurance. I should thank them for firing me! And yet, I still feel a tinge of failure when I think about it.

Lost loves, lost jobs and other bittersweet memories are some of the things that shape us into the better person we are today. Unforgettable, they are like a shadow that grows longer at some parts of the day and shorter at others, but it’s always there when you look back. Try to keep your face towards the sun and let the shadows of painful memories fall behind you.

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