Have you ever seen someone who is gravely ill, and you can tell that just by looking at them?
There are things I have wanted to share lately, but I am afraid that my writing will reveal more about me and my current state than I intend. I fear that you, dear friends, will read it and feel that I am “slipping”. Sort of like Flowers for Algernon. In case you haven’t read it (spoiler alert), in Flowers for Algernon, the main character is mentally handicapped. This fact is noteable through the journal he writes. In addition to his style of writing, it is also obvious in the interactions that he has with other people. Then, he takes a medication that makes him gradually become more intellient…both mentally and emotionally. His abilities keep increasing until he reaches a genius level. Sadly though, the medication stops working and slowly the reader sees him decline again until he is back where he started. Of course, by that time you have grown to love the character and are heartbroken as he begins to decline.
That is my fear about my blogging lately, that you will read and think, “oh no, Leslie…” I desperately want to reassure you that that is not true, that I am OK, and that I am actually getting stronger. To be fair and honest somedays it simply doesn’t feel that way. It does feel like I am slipping…intellectually, emotionally, spiritually…
There is hope though. I read blogs of other people that have experienced what I am working through, and are farther along the path. They reassure me that there is hope, that this does get better. Someday, I hope to hold up that light of hope for someone else. For now, though, I hope that sharing my struggle will help others who are on this same path to know they are not alone.