Sometimes I wish I had kept my blog a bit more anonymous because at times there are things that I would like to say…anonymously. For example, I would like to share a current experience I am having with the Dragon in the Cellar. In other words, where anger from the past meets anger from the present. However there is the possibility that someone could be hurt by that, and I would never want to ease my pain by hurting someone else (accept perhaps my abuser…I won’t spare his feelings in what I write.)
So I can only say…I am angry with _________. Because ________ did _________. Can you believe that? I know you would be furious too! My therapist asked me to write a letter (not necessarily to send it!), and express my feelings. So I wrote a letter and I said ____________ and _________ and _________. Then I wrote ______________. It was like creating a door and letting the dragon get some exercise.
The dragon, as you can imagine, is a bit stiff from being cramped up in the cellar for so long or to be more clear, I still struggle to accept my right to be angry about what happened (then and now.). You have heard how abused women will often say, “it wasn’t his fault, I deserved it”. Well, I don’t say I deserved it, but I do make a lot of excuses for this person’s behavior.
I think this is the most incomprehensible blog post I have ever written. So, you know the saying, “a picture is worth a thousand words”….so since I don’t have the right words, how about a picture?
|I call this Rorschach as art.|
Yes, I did paint this myself…in my son’s kindergarten art class.
It reminds me of those ink blot tests that psychologists sometimes use, Rorschach tests. So I showed it to my therapist. He seemed to find it ver-r-r-ry interesting….