True Confessions II

Uh oh!  There was no school this week, yay!  But being away from my normal schedule (and weathering a bout of nasty stomach bug that plowed through my family. . .) I almost forgot to blog this week!  Yikes, we can’t have that!  So I’m pulling a busy blogger trick and presenting you something from the archives…but to assuage my guilt (yes, I have guilt about everything), I will add something new.

You’ve heard stories about harried parents leaving a child behind right?  I think we have all heard those and swore to ourselves that we would never do that–until we do.  Well, I confess I have done it a couple of times, sigh.  It was usually just a matter of leaving one behind at a friend’s house while loading up the others…but once, horror of horrors, I actually left my daughter at a stranger’s house!

A post about “confessions” needs a fun picture.  Isn’t she adorable?

That needs explanation, right?  Here’s what happened.  She was 13, and had plans to spend some time with a girl, whose family our family was well acquainted with.  The father was/is my husband’s dentist.  I knew the mom and other some of the children from our home school co-op. My daughter, Vienna, and my teenage boys were friends with the girl, Vienna was going to hang out with.  So I felt very comfortable with Vienna spending time there.

The trouble resulted because neither Vienna or I had ever been to their house.  Vienna googled their address, and I drove her over.  I work graveyard shift and it was my bedtime, so I just drove her up to the house and waited while she went to the door and knocked.  She was invited in and I drove away.

The battery on my cell phone was low so I turned it off to save energy for emergencies (like if I was in an accident and needed to call 911.)  Meanwhile, Vienna had been invited into the house and told by the dad that “the girls are outside swimming”.  So Vienna went outside and found the girls…trouble was, she didn’t know any of them!  There was a misunderstanding, and she was at the wrong house.  When she told them who she was trying to see, they said they got the same mix up with mail and packages all the time.

So she borrowed their phone and called me on my cell, which of course was turned off–for emergencies.  Oh my.  When I got home, my son met me in the driveway and told me that Vienna had called and explained the situation.  I was mortified.  I got the phone number and headed back to pick her up…a 15 minute drive.  I was scared to death, and yet I was exhausted too.

Someday when I am on my death-bed, Vienna will probably still tease me about our phone conversation.  I asked her if she was alright, was she scared?  I assured her I was on my way and then said, “I am so tired.”

She says, “I was stranded at a stranger’s house and your response is you’re tired?!”

What can I say?  One of my less stellar parenting moments all the way around!

Now, for my other confessions…I hope they bring you a smile…

I have gone to Dairy Queen, right after working out at the gym (I know, I know)

I love Jane Eyre but I’m bored by Jane Austen.

I would give a stranger the shirt off my back, but I wouldn’t give my last piece of chocolate to my own child…

I have a thing for rogues…I particularly love Captain Jack.

I hate the color orange. My Bishop has an orange tie and every time I see him sitting in front of the congregation wearing it, I just want to have Dart Practice!

Sometimes I listen to my music louder than my teenagers do. They are very embarrassed by this…they say it wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t do it while driving a mini-van…

Don’t leave me hanging…share one of your embarrassing moments, or a confession.  You’ll feel better!


  1. LOL. My family used to leave me at church all the time. Night-time sacrament service meant it was not too bad, I would just go to someone's house (they would call and tell my parents where I was) until evening… a ton of kids needing 2-3 cars to get to church and you can understand why it happened, at least monthly..LOLEmbarrassing moments:*breaking my arm babysitting when I was 16*telling a teacher off when I was 16 (he was saying that my step-mother should be at home taking care of me when I was the youngest)*having an ovarian cyst rupture in class (again I was 16) and sitting in a pool of blood, there were 3 girls in the class (same one as above) AND I sat with my boyfriend!!!*telling a janitor it was ok to come in my hospital room (I thought it was a nurse) while I was half naked and pumping after my gallbladder surgery, I felt bad for the guy*there are too many others to mention :)(what was it with me and being 16… )

  2. I have the self preservation habit of forgetting embarrassing experiences quickly after they happen. However, my children are great at remembering and retelling stories on me. One that comes up every time we play the card game "Nertz" is that a few years ago while we were playing that game with some missionaries after dinner, the Elder seated to my right called Nertz! (which means the play has to stop and he just won) just a split second before I did. I jumped up and roared at him in frustration. My family now warns anyone new who joins us in this game that I might just lose it, so watch out.

  3. Hi Ben,Thank you for sharing your story in this blog. I found your blog baeucse I am struggling right now. I believe the man I love may have DID. We’ve been apart for about a year and a half. When we dated, it was very sporadic, passionate, intense and amnesiac in parts. He was going through a divorce and experienced severe mood swings. He was in therapy, undergoing diagnosis that he never wanted to share and at the same time felt compelled to protect me from. At every interval of our relationship, he was a different part of himself. Some were strange, some were maverick, some were responsible, some were vulnerable, some were aloof, others were cavalier, some were kind, some were romantic, some intensely articulate, some were comedic, some even feminine and at least one beautiful night he was himself. There were gaps in communication and memory. We had known each other as acquaintances through work for several years before we started dating. He’s extremely high functioning and carries a position with a lot of visibility and responsibility. During the time we worked together, I witnessed significant events in his life both positive and painful that would have been difficult for me to understand if I had only met him romantically. I knew the essence of the totality of his person. That beautiful night when he showed himself. he shared with me some elements of his childhood that I understand now could have caused dissociation. He was 47 at the time had never shared with anyone before.Someone mentioned to DID to me about a year ago when I shared our story of his abrupt shifts and inconsistencies. I didn’t want to believe it. I thought it sounded far-fetched. At the time, my heart was breaking baeucse he kept coming and going, at one point initiating an emotional break-up followed by a request for no contact on the basis that he needed to be alone and didn’t want to hurt me. Only to return a few months later with a text, making it difficult for me to move on per his request.In the end, I finally had to tell him not to contact me again. I’m starting to understand now the difference between self and alters. I’m starting to wonder if some of his alters aren’t looking for me while others are trying to evade me.It has now been over a year since I made that request. About two months ago, I started seeing someone new casually. It’s not a serious interest for me, and I began missing my love. The longing grew and minutes following a peak moment in my emotions last Friday, I received a text from my love asking if we could get together. He had been wondering about me recently. I agreed and met him for a drink.Not really knowing what to expect, I just decided to play it cool and enjoy the moment. He seemed in control of himself emotionally, his schedule, his moods, his physical contact with me. Over the weekend, I tried to continue conversation. I wanted to accept responsibility for my part in our relationship, which he never let me do. He always took it all upon himself. I emailed him to open the door referencing some specifics related to a suicidal depression he faced while we were together and how I was concerned that my efforts to share with him my dreams for the future in hopes that he would want to join me rather than taking his life, somehow triggered him into fear.It was his response that made me realize that DID may be at play. The identity I met with a couple of nights before responded. He didn’t know what I was talking about, or how to respond and suggested that we not make more of our meeting that it was in an effort to be reasonable . We’ve had a strong spiritual connection. I feel his feelings. In hindsight, I realized that sometimes I feel the identities fighting, like when he broke up with me. The days following his absence the emotional feedback I felt was like a horse being broken. Now I’m just heartbroken again. I told him that I can’t stop loving him and that he is to never contact me again. Part of me wants one of his weaker identities to stand up and take charge. Despite the difference in all of these parts, I love all of them.Part of me feels guilt in that I triggered him again, but I am nothing without my own voice to stand up for myself, take care of myself and assert my responsibility in any relationship. I also have a background of mental illness in myself and my family, for which I am treated and continue to seek support, provide support and rely on spiritual guidance for all aspects of my life. It doesn’t seem that there is ever a right way or perfect answer. In the end, we have to remember that the soul of an individual speaks through their illness. In my case, it’s quite possible that he just doesn’t want to be with me. I have to accept that as an answer regardless of the reasons why. At the same time, I am trying to console myself and I am open to any insight you could provide.Thank you,Andi

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