It’s been a month since I last posted about my foray into meditation and centering prayer. Time to check in and report.
Yes, I am still doing it and yes, I still love it. I wish I could tell you it has gotten easier, but so far that is not the case. I try to spend some time meditating before I sleep and again when I wake up.
Meditating when I wake up can be tricky because I’m not a morning person, so I’m often pushing “snooze” to many times and getting up late. But when I wake up and make time for Centering Prayer it is a wonderful way to start the day. It feels grounding, seriously like I am pushing my roots deep into the earth while simultaneously turning my face up to the sun…or The Son. It’s lovely.
Meditating before I go to sleep is different. Usually my mind is churning and not necessarily with worry or concerns, but ideas and inspirations, questions, ponderings….trying to quiet it feels like standing in the eye of a tornado and asking the wind to stop. Part of the problem is sometimes I want to think about the inspirations instead of being quiet. During one such a time, I was trying to reassure myself that the “great ideas” would still be there later and would be better for having given my mind a rest (which, in hindsight, has proven to be true). It was then that I realized that meditating is like Sabbath for the mind. Resting your mind does help you feel renewed and refreshed later.
Grounding, and resting are wonderful, and if they were the only fruits of meditation, that would be enough to continue…but that is not all–no that is not all! (said in my best Dr. Seuss voice) The greatest benefit I have experienced so far is a partial realization of the hope that I mentioned in my last blog post about Centering Prayer…that feeling of coming home.
One of the hardest things for me in this journey of healing from abuse is the separation I have felt from God…its the Jaws of Hell, I tell you! There are many reasons for those jaws gaping after me–which I won’t get into now–the point is that after practicing meditation I feel that gap closing.
Of course, I considered if I could be certain it is the meditation that is making this difference, or perhaps it was something else that I did…perhaps that something else was also inspired by the meditation. . . The conclusion is that I can’t really say for sure, but I believe Centering Prayer is helping me Come Home again. I had forgotten how wonderful “home” feels.
Photo attribution Vera Kratochvil